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consciousness
April 2009 
How I "lost" my memory
Posted on Jul 27th, 2007
by 
Michel
Michel
William James' Principles of Psychology was the most significant book I read in college. I was enrolled in 15 hours of Senior level courses and employed 40 hours/week at a psychiatric facility. I learned much about my mind and its mechanics, so much that I began to tinker with my thoughts.
I labeled all of my routine activities and trigger emotions. An action out there caused a reaction in me, A → B. Physical stimuli began to prompt my metaphysics. Whatever I performed was narrated by spellings. I watched external labels marry labeled activities. Both streams of consciousness moved along parallel layers.
Soon after an autopilot managed the labels, I was overwhelmed by the incoming messages. I needed to slow the random, physical stimuli that automatically triggered emotions or actions. I inserted a "pause" between thoughts. An action (A) → "pause" → a reaction (B). An automatic pause between each action caused a pause in time, out there, and space in here.
Soon, my mind had time to disconnect present thoughts from old behaviors. I had Time and Space between thoughts to connect new labels in my consistent routine. Selected words caused better behaviors, and I found opportunities to carve an optimum life. The label system proved to be reliable.
Because I had food allergies, I began to insert pauses between thoughts and actions around foods I shouldn't eat. I began to disconnect automatic tendencies. Food became a function.
Many thoughts are attached to food, and everything else seemed to be attached to something attached to food. System began to develop a life of its own. Within 3 months, my mind learned how to insert pauses without conscious intent and within 9 months I was gone.
If I had been a bit older, I would have been less sophomoric. If I'd been a full-fledged adult, I wouldn't have pursued more than a few whimsical goals. I would have been distracted with schedules and knee-jerk reactions. I might have accepted what I had and who I was. But I was an underpriviledged college student, living on rations who learned to optimize every "freebie" in plain view.
I would start over, clear the slate and choose what I wanted. Who needed 4th grade thoughts in an adult body? I didn't want to shuffle through old, useless information to step onto fresh, brilliant mind paths. What I didn't expect is that once you loose your subjective values, you loose the ability to choose. Its like being on a ship full of treasures, without a mast. Sorry captains-in-training- there, you have no personal will and it is impossible to make a subjective or "qualitative" decision. You merely float upon the sea of Source.
What can I do with this knowledge? How can I benefit?
About 18 months passed. I returned to my childhood home. After 24 months, I began to develop emotions. These pleasantries are the anchors for your thoughts, many steps before language. Sorry, Skinner. Sorry, Chompsky.
It's been 18 years of comparing Source to a solitary life.
Please contribute as often as you'd like and propose metaphysical conundrums that poke at you. I'll try to answer your questions, as if I were still on the other side of Nothing.
I labeled all of my routine activities and trigger emotions. An action out there caused a reaction in me, A → B. Physical stimuli began to prompt my metaphysics. Whatever I performed was narrated by spellings. I watched external labels marry labeled activities. Both streams of consciousness moved along parallel layers.
Soon after an autopilot managed the labels, I was overwhelmed by the incoming messages. I needed to slow the random, physical stimuli that automatically triggered emotions or actions. I inserted a "pause" between thoughts. An action (A) → "pause" → a reaction (B). An automatic pause between each action caused a pause in time, out there, and space in here.
Soon, my mind had time to disconnect present thoughts from old behaviors. I had Time and Space between thoughts to connect new labels in my consistent routine. Selected words caused better behaviors, and I found opportunities to carve an optimum life. The label system proved to be reliable.
Because I had food allergies, I began to insert pauses between thoughts and actions around foods I shouldn't eat. I began to disconnect automatic tendencies. Food became a function.
Many thoughts are attached to food, and everything else seemed to be attached to something attached to food. System began to develop a life of its own. Within 3 months, my mind learned how to insert pauses without conscious intent and within 9 months I was gone.
If I had been a bit older, I would have been less sophomoric. If I'd been a full-fledged adult, I wouldn't have pursued more than a few whimsical goals. I would have been distracted with schedules and knee-jerk reactions. I might have accepted what I had and who I was. But I was an underpriviledged college student, living on rations who learned to optimize every "freebie" in plain view.
I would start over, clear the slate and choose what I wanted. Who needed 4th grade thoughts in an adult body? I didn't want to shuffle through old, useless information to step onto fresh, brilliant mind paths. What I didn't expect is that once you loose your subjective values, you loose the ability to choose. Its like being on a ship full of treasures, without a mast. Sorry captains-in-training- there, you have no personal will and it is impossible to make a subjective or "qualitative" decision. You merely float upon the sea of Source.
What can I do with this knowledge? How can I benefit?
About 18 months passed. I returned to my childhood home. After 24 months, I began to develop emotions. These pleasantries are the anchors for your thoughts, many steps before language. Sorry, Skinner. Sorry, Chompsky.
It's been 18 years of comparing Source to a solitary life.
Please contribute as often as you'd like and propose metaphysical conundrums that poke at you. I'll try to answer your questions, as if I were still on the other side of Nothing.
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